this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
