p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
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She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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