They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
