I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize