I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
