If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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