If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
