I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?