Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"