Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.

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  (651): It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave. http://tfl.nu/tj8s
  Replies (87) Good night (562) Bad night (4372)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
  Replies (42) Good night (5375) Bad night (810)
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  (408): View more from California

  Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

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  (408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2
  Replies (18) Good night (5371) Bad night (1272)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner

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  (330): I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner http://tfl.nu/m02y
  Replies (7) Good night (1985) Bad night (1282)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm

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  (505): I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm http://tfl.nu/1dm0
  Replies (4) Good night (768) Bad night (1209)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.

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  (570): That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga. http://tfl.nu/2c2v
  Replies (2) Good night (1570) Bad night (555)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June

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  (864): Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June http://tfl.nu/abqo
  Replies (16) Good night (1906) Bad night (1880)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.

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  (937): They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list. http://tfl.nu/o7iw
  Replies (6) Good night (1681) Bad night (430)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere

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  (808): Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/w66n
  Replies (1) Good night (1006) Bad night (565)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.

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  (337): Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday. http://tfl.nu/gphh
  Replies (1) Good night (985) Bad night (483)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.

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  (918): He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough. http://tfl.nu/jcxc
  Replies (1) Good night (694) Bad night (527)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  "But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!

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  (210): "But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!! http://tfl.nu/6byh
  Replies (3) Good night (1500) Bad night (425)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"

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  (870): I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough" http://tfl.nu/ficv
  Replies (2) Good night (1406) Bad night (282)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.

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  (304): I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation. http://tfl.nu/s759
  Replies (6) Good night (1124) Bad night (253)
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  (619): View more from California

  Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.

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  (619): Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman. http://tfl.nu/nljs
  Replies (5) Good night (304) Bad night (680)

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