hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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