My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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