She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
