dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
