he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
