the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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