Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
