My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
