my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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