I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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