I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
