it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
