You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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