I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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