she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
