I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
