it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
