i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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