you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
