OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
