It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
