so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
