after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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