Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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