Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
