Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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