All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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