While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
