I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
