So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
