dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
