I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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