I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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