My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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