She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
