and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
