Your tits are I can't wait for
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
