Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
