His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
