Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
