Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A bitchslap is in order.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
