He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
