I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
