We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Houston, we have a blender
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
