The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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