Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
