My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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