um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
