Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
