and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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