so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
