Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
