i permit you to call me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
