the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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