I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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