I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
