wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
