got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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