He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I deserve this hangover.
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