She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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