Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
