why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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