When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
