Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
