We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
