eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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