i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
